For Kicks

This "For Kicks" section are my quick responses to a post in a forum from around 2012, where I attempted to be witty and funny while also coming up with quick answers to 10 unsolved questions in Physics and science. Needless to say, I don't think anyone responded, and I was probably the only one laughing. For the record, my comment about noobs at the end of question 10 was meant to be playful and snarky, and to goad the other users into a response. They were people who I knew wouldn't take me seriously anyways. The general topic of what each question was about is provided at the beginning of each answer.

10. Hastatic Order – Due to the interaction of the strong force with gravity as bosons are emitted and absorbed, while attempting to form probabilistic “orbits” around quarks that act as subatomic nuclei in close proximity.

9. Variable Constant – While the limit of c is constant at any given instant, that limit has slowly been decreasing. This is due to light slowing in less dense material, and the expansion of the universe currently outpacing its conversion of energy to matter creates said decreasing density parameter. When this slightly slowed light passes through interstellar clouds, pockets of higher density material compared to the vast emptiness around them, the clouds’ density distortion on space-time allows the light move with less resistance at its speed from a slightly earlier time.

8. "Therefore Aliens"

7. Tetra Neutrons – Due to the duel-asymptotic nature of the strong force and the vagueness in the semantics currently used to distinguish when non-hadronic bosons stop and elements begin.

6. Ultra Energetic Cosmic Rays – Emitted by excited quasar rings decaying back down to a lower energy level.

5. Placebo Effect - Attempts of a primitive organism instinctively grasping at subatomic consciousness.

4. Kuiper Cliff – Evidence of a rogue panspermic object with a rapidly decaying orbit well off the ecliptic that entered the solar system during its early formation. This is supported by the less anomalous disturbances on the direct opposite side of the belt.

3. C-Value Enigma – This one is a misnomer, as the term “junk DNA” makes it sound like a problem exists where it doesn’t. Organism complexity draws on more than just the number of genes, such as the number of chromosomes, the length of individual strands, how they are organized, and so on. Furthermore, the purpose of the non-coding DNA is better understood all the time. We now classify over 6 sub types of “junk DNA” and have at least 4 purposes for it including functions of protection, selection, switching, and regulating.

2. Cold Fusion – Of course room temperature is nice, but it doesn’t need to be cold, it just needs be below the break even temperature which we are slowly approaching. Of course, traditionally, the cold is referring microscopically to the site of the fusion. However, if you consider a whole star to be the fusion site, and realize that it’s taking place in 4 degree Kelvin space, then most fusion is already happening coldly.

1. Dark Energy / Matter – Due to supermassive objects on a scale that is yet to be addressed. We’re only just now plotting super clusters. LoL. Try considering objects larger than your own light-cone noobs.